Alucard in Wonderland
by Kitt Chaos
Summary: Yet another story featuring Alucard from Castlevania and D from Vampire Hunter D, with a dash of Dracula for good measure. It's most helpful if you've read my other crossover story, Insult of the Right Hand, to understand what's going on.
1. Left Handed Lagomorph

Author's Notes - 

If you haven't read any of my previous VHD and Castlevania stories, I'm concerned this one may not make much sense as this story is based pretty heavily on them. 

You can probably tell from the title that Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, and Through the Looking Glass inspired much of the action of this story. 

**Chapter One - Left-Handed Lagomorph**

"Oh! I'll be late! The Duchess will be ever so furious at meeee!" 

Alucard sat up abruptly at the grating, whining tones, wondering what the heck was going on. He'd just managed to crawl into bed, though the innkeeper was displeased at his unyielding insistence that his room face due West, and fall asleep. He'd ridden hard, trying to close the distance between himself and eeD, now that he had a solid lead on where his foe was heading. 

He found himself in a field that was covered with impossibly bright green grass. Fortunately, it was overcast, as he was utterly exposed in the open with the daytime sky directly overhead. 

"What?!" Alucard touched his cloak, wondering just how he had managed to dress and wind up here when he would swear he'd just retired for the night. Oddly enough the cloak, though it felt like his, was a medium blue color with a white lining instead of the black with red lining Twilight Cloak he favored. 

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" Someone near him wailed. 

Putting aside the puzzle of the color of his cloak, Alucard rubbed his eyes and looked down. 

A hand, a human hand, was scrabbling around on its fingertips, running absurdly in circles. While he watched, the mad little thing scraped itself along the ground, catching the band it wore around its wrist until it worked it off of itself. Then, the weird creature flipped itself up, revealing a startling face, and plucking the wristwatch (for that's what it was) up between two fingers to dangle the timepiece before its own mad little eyes. 

"OH! It's two minutes later now than it was two minutes ago! She's going to be most cross! Whatever will I do?!" 

Alucard closed his eyes, convinced that he'd gone mad, or perhaps Left Hand had. 

"Left Hand..." he began wearily. 

"I'm the White Rabbit!" The strange creature who normally resided (well, 'quietly' certainly wasn't the word, perhaps 'mostly sanely' was; Alucard blinked that he thought such a thing was 'sane' in any way) at the end of his brother's arm struggled to pull itself up onto its wrist to show Alucard that, yes indeed, for whatever mad reason made sense to it, it wore a pair of ridiculously long rabbit ears on two of its fingers. 

"And I'm late! She's gonna cut off my head!" 

Alucard blinked down at that. Cut off Left Hand's head? Didn't the daft creature realize it didn't have a head?! 

Alucard hear a snicker. 

"Cut -- off -- my -- head!" Left Hand chortled. 

"A-hem!" a disembodied voice remonstrated. 

"Oh! Uhm, yeah...right. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" With that, the White Rabbit gathered up its wristwatch, looped the band securely around two of its fingers, and went scrabbling off as fast as its four fingers could manage. 

"What the heck's gotten into him?!" 

"A good question indeed. Surely you will find the answer, m'boy!" 

Alucard looked up at that, directly into Dracula's eyes. 

"Father?!" 

Dracula smiled at him, a sweet smile coming from him to be sure, but one that by necessity revealed his fangs. Alucard blinked, wondering at his father's strange expression, then blinked again as his father disappeared. Only the eerily sweet, fangy smile hung in the air for a moment before it too, disappeared. 

"Has everyone finally gone mad?!" 

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Author's notes - 

I realize that everyone is completely Out Of Character. I'd like to say that I write OOC stories instead of writing author self-insertions and Mary Sues, but that wouldn't be accurate. (I simply don't inflict those stories on you!) I hope you enjoy my impossible OOC romp. (And aren't too scared by it to read my other, more seriously canon stories later!) 

Next Chapter teaser - Chapter Two - Tweedledum and Tweedledemon 

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email me also if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get!


	2. Tweedledum and Tweedledemon

**Chapter Two - Tweedledum and Tweedledemon**

After his completely insane encounter with Left Hand, Alucard made his way to the woods along the edge of the field. He wondered if perhaps he'd been laying out in the field in the sun, and that's why he couldn't remember anything after going to bed at the inn. Maybe the sun had only recently gone behind the cloud cover, allowing him a chance to come to. That could explain why the meeting with Left Hand had been so very odd. Maybe he had sun-sickness. Thinking of that, he wondered where D was. How could he see Left Hand and not see D? Something bobbed up from the shrubbery ahead, right next to the path he was walking on. 

"D-Demon?!" Alucard asked. He was going to try to walk by the strange creature quietly before he realized why it looked familiar. Demon normally wore a lizard skin loincloth and this creature was garbed in what appeared to be a multi-color circus tent, but the pitchfork he held certainly looked like the one Demon carried, and there was something familiar about the way the creature appeared when he tried to look around the distracting striped pantaloons and hyper-colored puffy-sleeved shirt. Alucard closed his eyes tight, but the outfit was so "loud" it seemed as if it had left an afterimage on his retina. 

"Boss, uhm, no! I'm Tweedledemon!" 

"No! That would make me..." another voice cried out in protest. 

"Tweedledum!" Demon cackled. "You got it!" 

"I might be forced to wear this ridiculous outfit, but there is no way I'm going to be Tweedledum!" Sword floated up into view. Sure enough, as his words forewarned, Alucard's most powerful weapon was also hideously garbed in the fashion only a demented seamstress could have dreamed up. No, maybe the seamstress was merely delusional. And utterly color-blind. 

"Whoa, partner! Your train of thought is a run-away!" Alucard blinked at Dracula, as the Lord of All Vampires appeared again in front of him. 

"Now, Tweedle_dum_," Dracula's voice was soft, but the emphasis on the name was as steel, "no more protesting the lovely matching outfits, hmmm? And of course your name has to correspond with that of your brother, Tweedle_dee_." Again, the emphasis paid to the last syllable of the name. 

Both of Alucard's familiars glared sullenly at Dracula and kept their mouths wisely closed against their twin protests, but Sword jostled rudely up against Demon so Demon shoved him back hard enough to send Sword staggering a few feet away. 

"Now, why don't you two go run off and play?" Dracula suggested merrily, waving his hand airily in a "shoo" gesture. He watched, shoulder to shoulder with Alucard as Demon flitted off obediently enough, but Sword grumbled and floated after much less enthusiastically. 

"In heavy traffic," Dracula finished. Alucard snickered, the comment was nothing he'd ever heard his father utter before, yet was utterly like him in a way. He turned, thinking to ask Dracula what was going on, to be confronted by only the fanged smile again. He watched as it disappeared, presumably following its owner. 

"Did I just see -- whiskers?!" 

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Author's notes - 

::wince:: I probably shouldn't even try to write humor in the first place, and here I am attempting to carry it off with angsty dhampirs! What on earth is wrong with me?! 

Next chapter teaser - Chapter Three - Tea, Thee and ? (I wonder just who this could be?) 

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email me also if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get!

stargarde (at) stargarde (dot) com


	3. Tea, Thee and D

**Chapter Three - Tea, Thee and D**

The woods finally thinned out into a clearing. Alucard wondered what he was seeing, as someone in a cloak and a wide-brimmed hat skulked at one end of a banquet-sized table, which was apparently set for afternoon tea. 

"D!" Alucard exclaimed, barely restraining himself from running the last few steps once he realized why he recognized the outfit. 

D glanced up at him just under the lowered brow of his hat. There was a large white sign pinned to the crown of his hat, which proclaimed neatly in bold, black lettering the number, "41 and 3/4". 

"I am the...." D's voice faded to inaudibility on the last two words. 

"The what?" Alucard asked. 

"The Mad Hatter," D repeated just loud enough to be understood this time. He reached out and slammed the top of the teapot down vehemently. 

Alucard looked up from D's surprising action into his brother's eyes. Surely D wasn't beset by the same madness as everyone else! 

"D -- what's going on?" Alucard finally asked, sinking into the nearest vacant chair wearily. D reached for a plate that appeared for all the world to be a sheet of porcelain lace, placed it carefully on the table in front of him, and proceeded to fuss about piling teacakes on it. Alucard blinked as D even pushed the tip of his tongue out one corner of his mouth, evidently judging the visual appeal of his teacake castle. The top of the teapot rattled. 

D's hand snaked out and slammed the lid down again. 

Struck by a sudden thought, Alucard tipped his head slowly to look under the edge of the table. Noticing his gaze, D lifted his left arm up, showing that the short, abrupt end of it was covered with a lacey handkerchief instead of the customary hand. 

D looked directly into Alucard's eyes and told him, "at least it's quiet," before smashing the teapot's animated lid down for the third time. 

"Why, why do you keep doing that?" Alucard wondered. He reached out tentatively, not wanting to get smacked by D, and lifted the teapot's lid. Ghost floated up out of the confines of the kettle. 

"Oh, no!" Alucard moaned, spying the mouse ears his familiar was wearing. 

"'White Rabbit', those two Tweedle idiots, the 'Mad Hatter' and Ghost here, he's the...?" Alucard looked up into D's eyes, trying vainly to recall one of the minor characters in one of the bedtime stories his father had read to him, centuries ago, when he was still young and his mother was alive, before all the trouble with Castlevania started. 

"This is the Dormouse. Not actually a mouse, that's a common misconception, a dormouse is actually more like a squirrel. Though it is still a rodent," D explained. 

"You're not acting very 'mad'," Alucard complained. 

The brim of D's hat lowered as he glared at his brother, before lifting so that D could take a bite of a teacake. "I don't like sweets," he mumbled around the confection in his mouth. 

Alucard couldn't help it. He laughed. There was just something so serious, so -- D about what D had just admitted, yet here he was, sitting at this ridiculous outdoor tea party, solemnly eating a detested teacake with his right hand, while shoving the protesting, teeth-clacking Ghost "Dormouse" back down into the teapot with the lace-festooned stump of his left arm. 

"Let me," D swallowed convulsively, "sing you a song." 

Alucard blinked at him. "Sing me a song?" he repeated. "You are mad." 

"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!  
How I wonder what you're at!" 

"You know the song, perhaps?" D asked. 

Alucard only shook his head, wonderingly. D's singing voice was beautiful, a revelation that shouldn't have surprised Alucard, but the words were complete nonsense. Bats didn't twinkle! Well, maybe one Bat did, but only to him. 

"It goes on, you know," D continued, "in this way:-- 

"Up above the world you fly,  
Like a tea-tray in the sky.  
Twinkle, twinkle--"' 

"Ah, a party is it? It is too bad I can't join in," the amused voice belonged to Dracula as he once again appeared before Alucard. 

"Oh. You are here," D stated flatly. 

"I'm just observing your tea party. It is wonderful how mannerly you are!" Dracula enthused. 

Alucard looked up into his father's face. He blinked. Yes, his father was wearing whiskers! Now that he had a moment to look, he realized that Dracula's face also appeared to be -- striped somehow? Before he could look closer, D's hand tugged slightly at his sleeve, pulling his gaze back to the table. 

"Drink," D commanded, handing him a full teacup. 

"Hmmm? Oh," Alucard absently lifted the cup to his lips and drank the tea, completely missing the warning in D's eyes. The world tilted crazily and he fell; the Dormouse shoving D into a teacake while eating the teapot; and the bewhiskered, fanged smile floated in the air just laughing and laughing....

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Author's Notes - 

I laughed out loud when I discovered the little "Bat" song in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland at the Mad Hatter's tea party, for it fit this story so perfectly! Thus, the song is quoted from Lewis Carroll directly. I just wanted to make certain everyone knew that. 

Next chapter teaser - Chapter Four - Embracing the Unicorn 

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email me also if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get! 

stargarde (at) stargarde (dot) com


	4. Embracing the Unicorn

**Chapter Four - Embracing the Unicorn**

"Do you know," Alucard looked up in surprise, fearing what surprise this twisted Wonderland held for him next, "I always thought dhampirs were fabulous monsters!" 

Despite the completely random oddness of her words, Alucard was relieved to see his beloved wife, Bat, strolling leisurely across the moonlit green grass toward him. He seemed to be back in the meadow where this strange adventure started again, htough now it seemed to be night. He scrambled awkwardly up to his feet. 

Silken, dusky purple panels fluttering in the breeze formed the skirt of the dress that suited her pale skin and graceful walk perfectly. She dropped to her knees in one swift motion, then leaned forward on her hands to look at Alucard face to face. Her long, midnight black hair was held back by a silver circlet, one bearing a tiny silver horn centered over her laughing lavender eyes. Alucard nearly lost his breath admiring the beauty of his wife's face, even as he realized that she was at least twenty times his size. 

"Speak, dhampir," she purred, though neither bats, nor unicorns, were supposed to. 

"Bat!" Alucard exclaimed delightedly. 

She protested as she touched her glowing silver horn, "Not a bat! I'm a unicorn!" 

"Not you too!" Alucard moaned. "What madness is this?!" 

Bat blinked down into his eyes. "No madness," she stated calmly. "This is Wonderland." 

"None of this makes sense!" Alucard protested. "D's eating cakes and drinking tea with Ghost, I have no idea what Sword and Demon think they are doing with their weird squabbling and completely insane outfits (why does Sword think he needs to wear clothing all of a sudden anyway?) and even Left Hand is acting more loony than usual. And Father..." Alucard ran his hand through his hair in an exasperated gesture. 

"I'm worried that he's having too much fun with some bizarre game he is playing! He keeps randomly popping in after every encounter, but disappears soon after. And now, you. You think you are a unicorn and somehow you've grown to giant size!" 

"Silly dhampir!" Bat dimpled down at him. "Think!" 

Think? Think? What did she... 

Oh. 

"The tea D gave me. If this is Wonderland as you all are so madly insisting, then I'm Alice," Alucard admitted flatly. "And the tea I drank shrank me." 

Bat smiled approvingly down at him again before offering him the safe plateau of her open palms. Alucard didn't hesitate for a moment, stepping into his wife's hands. 

"Not Alice," Bat declared. "Alucard. Alucard in Wonderland!" 

"You're so cute!" Bat exclaimed, bringing Alucard up to snuggle her face delicately against his. "But, this being Wonderland, I suppose you should be your proper size again." 

Bat tipped her hands slowly encouraging Alucard to settle fully in her right hand, while she reached her left hand up to touch the soft glow of her silver "horn", brought her hand down to kiss the tip of her index finger, and with the same finger touched Alucard gently on the head. He felt the same dizzying sensation he had before, though this time it felt as though he was unfalling. He stared into Bat's eyes, using their loveliness and concern as an anchor until the world stopped tilting crazily around him. 

This time she appeared to be her proper size, just tall enough that the top of her head fit neatly under his chin when he hugged her. Thinking that it was a capital idea, Alucard reached out to embrace her. She ducked, not from his embrace, but into it. 

"If you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you," Bat promised dreamily. "Is that a bargain?" 

"Of course, sweetheart," Alucard promised her. Bat spun from his arms and stamped her foot angrily. "That's not what you're supposed to say!" she accused. 

"Now, now, Unicorn, some variation is to be expected. Alucard is not Alice, as you yourself pointed out!" a new voice soothed. 

"So this encounter, which though strange, yet sweeter than the others, is so soon to be over?" Alucard mourned. 

"The unicorn has already disappeared," Dracula noted matter-of-factly. 

Alucard turned to discover his father was correct. There was no sign of Bat anywhere. 

"Now where?" Alucard sighed. 

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Author's Notes - 

Everyone should go and read (or re-read) Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, and Through the Looking Glass again. This time the lines I borrowed more or less intact are from Through the Looking Glass, from when Alice meets the Unicorn and the Unicorn agrees to believe in the "fabulous monster" of a little girl (in the person of Alice) if she will believe in him. 

Next chapter teaser - Chapter Five - Cheshire Count 

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email me also if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get! 

stargarde (at) stargarde (dot) com   
  



	5. Cheshire Count

**Chapter Five - Cheshire Count**

"Now where?" Alucard sighed. 

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," Dracula replied.   
  
"I don't seem to have much say in the matter," Alucard grumbled. 

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," Dracula grinned at him, baring his fangs again. 

"I would very much like to get away from here and back to where things make sense again," Alucard added as an explanation. "Either back to tracking eeD, or even back to your wretched Castlevania!" 

"Oh, you're sure to do that," Dracula nodded, "if you only walk long enough." 

Alucard hoped this first bit of reasonable advice was sound, as he ventured another question. "What is happening? Why is everyone acting so strange?" 

"This is Wonderland, where nothing is as it seems. Everyone is mad." 

"I know you must have had something to do with it, Father," Alucard remarked flatly. 

"Oh, I can't help that," Dracula winked, "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." 

"I don't think you've driven me quite mad yet," Alucard stated. "Though I wonder if it's a near thing," he admitted under his breath. Dracula's grin deepened. 

"You must be," said the Lord of All Vampires, "else you wouldn't have come here." 

"I didn't come here by choice!" Alucard snapped. 

"Ah. So you would like to leave all this," Dracula's gesture was expansive, "and return home?" 

"I should like to very much," Alucard replied, "but I haven't any say in the matter, do I?" 

"You always have a say in the matter, m'boy," Dracula touched the tip of Alucard's nose playfully with his index finger. "Just make sure that you truly desire what you are asking for!" 

"Just on the other side of these woods is the Queen's Courtyard. I'll see you there," said the Count, and he vanished. Alucard stared sullenly at the fanged smile until it disappeared completely. 

Alucard was not much surprised at this, realizing that his father had taken the role of the "Cheshire Cat" for himself. While he was looking at the place where the smile had been, it suddenly appeared again, followed presently by the rest of his father. 

"You are going to go, yes? To the Queen's Courtyard?" There was a touch of worry about Dracula's eyes as he voiced his question. 

Alucard sighed heavily. "I think I must if I am to escape this bizarre wonderland of yours." 

"I thought you would see it that way," said the Count, nodding in a satisfied way as he vanished again. 

Alucard waited a little, half expecting to see Dracula again, but he did not appear, and after a minute or two he walked on in the direction in which the Queen's Courtyard was supposed to be. 

"It has been years since I last read or heard the story, but Father seems to be taking great liberties with it," Alucard complained aloud to himself. 

As he said this, he looked up, and there was the Count again, sitting on a branch of a tree. 

"Oh, so you noticed?" Dracula asked. 

"Rather hard not to," Alucard replied, "and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: it is truly disconcerting."   
  
"All right," Dracula agreed; and this time he vanished quite slowly, beginning with the trailing ends of his black cloak (the one with the blood-red lining), and ending with the grin, the fangs of which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. 

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Author's Notes - 

And this chapter relies heavily on the dialog between Alice and the Cheshire Cat. I like the staccato pace of the banter back and forth in the original, where Alice never quite gets the upper hand in the conversation with the cat, so I tried to mirror that here. 

Next chapter teaser - Chapter Six - Gossamer Duchess 

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email me also if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get! 

stargarde (at) stargarde (dot) com   
  



	6. Gossamer Duchess

**Chapter Six - Gossamer Duchess**

"You can't know how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!" said Fairy, as she settled affectionately on Alucard's shoulder. 

Comforted by how familiar Fairy's presence was on his shoulder, Alucard thought that perhaps things were starting return to normal as he trekked through the woods. He was wrong. 

"You've got to save me. The Queen is ever so frightfully mad at me!" 

Alucard wondered again who the Queen might be. Left Hand was the White Rabbit, Sword, Demon, Ghost and Bat were likewise accounted for, even D and his Father had shown up in this strange place. He thought the Queen might be Fairy before when Dracula had given him the directions to the Queen's Courtyard, but now he knew that couldn't be the case. 

He had quite forgotten that Fairy was sitting on his shoulder by this time, and was a little startled when he heard her voice close to his ear. "You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk." 

"Sorry! Sorry, Fairy!" Alucard exclaimed. 

"Duchess. I'm the Duchess," Fairy replied mildly. 

"And the Queen is angry with you?" Alucard asked. 

"Frightfully mad." 

"Why?" 

Fairy looked honestly sad while she pondered his question. "I thought to make things better between us, while I was helping D with Castlevania, but I only made things worse." 

"Pardon?" 

Fairy smiled up at him, spread both hands and shook her head. "N-Nothing! Uhm, she thinks I stole her tarts. That's why she's mad at me." 

Alucard glanced sidelong, wondering about her first comment. It really was too bad that everyone had to play a wonderland role and couldn't just talk with him normally. He hadn't really been worried about his brother solving Castlevania, but... 

"Maybe if I talk with this 'queen' I can straighten everything out," Alucard offered. 

Fairy dashed up off of his shoulder to fly in front of him. 

"Oh, would you? It would be ever so helpful if you did!" 

Alucard smiled, realizing for the first time, in Fairy's ebullient and very much in the character of the Duchess' response, that perhaps his familiars liked playacting the characters from Alice in Wonderland. He knew his father did. D's participation still puzzled him. 

"Evidently I need to go to the Queen's Courtyard anyway, so why don't we go together?" Alucard suggested. Fairy flitted over, settled on his shoulder in her accustomed spot and smiled in agreement. 

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Author's Notes - 

Next chapter teaser - Chapter Seven - (withheld) ::a swirl of creepy violin music:: 

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email me also if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get! 

stargarde (at) stargarde (dot) com   
  



	7. Off With His Head!

**Chapter Seven - Off with His Head!**

In an enjoyably companionable way Alucard made his way to the Queen's Courtyard where nearly everyone stood (or floated for some of them) around as if waiting for something. D nodded gravely as Alucard walked up. Sword and Demon, still in their costumes, floated off to one side, the basic accord between Alucard's familiars seemingly restored, despite their silly Wonderland names. Ghost floated more or less at D's shoulder, clacking his teeth far more than usual. Left Hand, evidently enjoying the freedom of not being attached to D's arm, ran around on his fingertips underfoot and occasionally running up the trunk of a tree to get to eye level trying to get D's attention. D studiously ignored him and seemed to be paying close attention to Ghost instead. 

"Well then, here we are," Fairy murmured before standing up on his shoulder. 

"What are you doing with _her_?!" 

Alucard flinched as a furious storm contained in the person of the Queen rushed up right into his face to bellow at him. 

"Uhm -- she was -- guiding me -- here?" Alucard ventured. 

"She's a wanted criminal," Val, the Queen, screeched. "For stealing my tarts!" 

"Oh, please! I didn't touch the silly things!" Fairy retorted. "I want nothing to do with anything you made." 

Alucard blinked at that. He vaguely recalled that the Queen was difficult, but he didn't recall the Duchess going toe to toe with her, even though the Duchess was the one accused of stealing the tarts. 

"Do not worry. I have no intention of ever making anything for you, ridiculous fairy!" Val bellowed. 

"_Wait a minute_!" Alucard thought. "_This is getting personal_!" 

"That's okay, I'd never do anything to help you either!" Fairy shouted back. "For all I care you can just curl up and die -- the sooner, the better!" 

Alucard didn't quite gasp, but his eyes widened in alarm and he stepped forward. D's hand on his arm checked him. 

"Don't," D suggested in a low voice. "It's never a good idea to get involved when women argue." 

"But -- this isn't part of the story. I might not have recalled Ghost's character's name, but I know there was nothing like this," Alucard pointed toward where Val and Fairy were squaring off in earnest. 

"Hey, hey," Demon spoke up, floating up toward Val and Fairy, "Isn't this supposed to be about what happened to the Queen's tarts?" 

"What are you going on about?!" Val demanded before realizing. The disillusioned gaze she tried to transfix Fairy with became more scheming as her eyes narrowed. 

"That's right. Thank you, subject, for reminding me." Val waved her hand airily, dismissing Demon again. 

She turned toward Fairy. You've been found guilty of stealing my tarts. For that, the punishment is beheading. OFF WITH HER ...!" 

A sudden sense of real menace darkened the courtyard and Alucard's alarm increased. 

"Val, uhm, Queen, surely there is no need to go that far. Isn't the punishment a bit extreme?" he hurriedly interrupted and tried to reason. "Perhaps she could make you tarts to replace the ones she stole." 

"I didn't steal her tarts!" Fairy shrieked. "I'm not making anything for her, mean, odious...!" 

"THAT does it! I'm serious this time! OFF WITH HER...!" 

Val couldn't complete the command as Alucard's hand suddenly covered her mouth. 

"Come on, Val. This is getting out of hand. Wonderland is supposed to be a bit frightening, but not dangerous," Alucard reminded her in a low tone, holding her loosely in his arms. 

Val spun from his hold. She stood in the center of the Courtyard, gasping from the powerful emotions tearing at her. There was scant pretense to be following the story of Wonderland when she spoke. 

"I should have realized you would take her side. Very well, then. Since you wish so badly to champion her, I will permit it." 

Val pointed a steady arm, with one finger outstretched, directly at Alucard. 

"For championing the sneaky, thieving, evil Fairy, Alucard, you bring this on yourself. OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" 

The menace in the Courtyard suddenly coalesced behind Alucard. Before he could react; before Fairy, Ghost, Demon, Sword or Left Hand could even gasp; before D could do more than draw his sword partway, the slicing arc of Death's scythe bit through Alucard's neck, cleanly severing his head. 

Alucard barely felt the pain, as Death's scythe was very sharp, but the thrill of a fatal injury shot through him. Darkness approached far more rapidly than he ever suspected it would, dimming his vision of the initial, horrified reactions of those around him. The darkness claimed him so fast he didn't even have time to remember anything of his life, or regret anything, other than the fact that it wasn't his father who killed him. He always thought he'd fall to Dracula. Before the darkness closed over him completely, he wondered where his father was. He had promised he would be here. It seemed -- wrong to slip into the darkness and not even see his father one last time as he did so... 

Death grinned at all assembled, and, his deed done, disappeared. 

D, a shade too late to complete the defensive action he wanted to, still reacted faster than anyone, diving forward to catch Alucard's slumping body with his left arm and snagging Alucard's head with his right hand before his brother could fall. 

"What did you do?!" he demanded of Val in a dangerously low voice. 

"I didn't know...it was -- this was -- just a game -- just a story!" Val cried out, horrified at the blood drenching D and the Courtyard, and Alucard's still, ominously still, form. 

"Just a story!" she repeated, slumping to her knees. 

- end? - 

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Author's Notes -

Oh...dear. I do like killing poor Alucard off, don't I? What is this, the third time I've offed the poor dhampir? 

Next chapter teaser - there is none. This is the last chapter of the story. No, really, move along, nothing to see here... 

::grin!:: 

Of course, there could always be an epilogue... 

Oh? I should write one? Okay! 

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email me also if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get! 

stargarde (at) stargarde (dot) com


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

A grey light washed over him. With it, a grinding headache. The pain in his head was intense enough that a sick feeling settled abruptly in the pit of his stomach. The last thing he wanted to do was move. 

He shied from the light and unconsciousness claimed him once more. 

---------- 

Oh, the grey light again, but this time he felt stronger. 

He assessed his situation. The headache was gone. A faint memory of it lingered, but the pain was gone. He seemed to be lying on his back, with his head and shoulders supported on something. It felt as though someone were stroking through his hair. A powerful memory tore at him. 

"Such lovely hair you have, Adrian," his memory made a soft voice play in his mind. "Very like your father's." 

His mother had said that to him. It was when he was very young and the unique color of his hair had earned him teasing from the children in the village. He'd run all the way home to his mother's arms where he knew that no matter what, he would be accepted. She had smiled gently as she settled his head and shoulders across her lap and stroked through his hair, listening to his grief, until he'd fallen asleep. 

It was with gentle regret that he sealed the cherished memory away again. 

The touch stroking through his hair went on, as it was not part of his memory. His mother was dead, who could it be? Bat? Fairy? Val? He struggled to recall how he could have wound up in a situation like this. He had found a good inn, wrangled with the innkeeper over the room he wanted, gone to sleep -- and wakened in Wonderland. Oh, yeah. Wonderland. Where he'd met the White Rabbit, the Cheshire Cat, the Tweedle brothers, the Mad Hatter, the Dormouse, the Duchess, the Queen and Death. 

"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" Val's command set to ringing ominously through his mind once more. 

Well, his head seemed to be firmly attached now, though he seemed to recall there was a moment there when it hadn't been. Nearly everyone was there for that, so it could be anyone holding him now. Still, he didn't think that he was resting across Bat, Fairy or Val's lap, as each of them in her own way was rather slight and this person's lap seemed more substantial than that. D. D was there. No way -- D wouldn't, couldn't, be the one who was being so gentle -- could he? His eyes snapped open. 

It was his father's eyes that met his. Dracula's eyes held a gentleness Alucard had never seen, and a spark of mischief that was regrettably familiar. 

"You really should be more careful, m'boy. You scared everyone when you banged your head and knocked yourself silly!" Dracula remonstrated with mirth bubbling just under the surface of his voice. 

Dracula stood, his sheer power being more than sufficient to lift Alucard as if Alucard were just the child he'd recalled being in his memory. Dracula tilted his head, assessing Alucard's appearance. His hands nearly fluttered as he twitched Alucard's Twilight Cloak straight to fall in the proper folds from his shoulders and set a lock of Alucard's hair into what he judged to be the proper place, just skimming along his cheek. 

Alucard realized that they were no longer in the Queen's Courtyard. They weren't even in the clearing where his Wonderland adventure started. No, they were on the rocky hillside where he usually watched Castlevania sink into the ground for the next century after defeating his father as Castlevania's final boss. His apprehensive glance reassured him that Castlevania was still dormant. 

Granted, everyone from "Wonderland" was here; Left Hand was attached to his brother's arm in his customary way; Demon and Sword floated nearby; Bat and Fairy stood next to D while they watched him and even Val was here, though she stood a little way off from everyone -- but no one was in a Wonderland costume. Everyone seemed rather grim as a matter of fact. 

"I..." 

Did it really happen? Did Alucard visit a twisted version of Wonderland or not? Had his head been lopped off by Death or not? What really happened? He wasn't typically given to flights of fantasy. Staring at the ground from which his father's evil castle would rise again, he tried to make sense of it all. 

"Psst!" 

"Psst!" 

"Huh?" Left Hand replied, finally noticing that Sword was trying to get his attention. 

"Rabbit ear!" Sword said urgently, before floating back, hoping that Alucard hadn't noticed. Alucard seemed lost in thought and oblivious to external things. Dracula glared at the parasite and nodded sharply once, before turning his head slightly, fixing his gaze to the right of Left Hand, and glaring again. 

"Huh?" Left Hand repeated before realizing that one of his rabbit ears had poked out from under D's cloak. He pushed it back under hiding quickly, hoping that the Lord of All Vampires wasn't too angry at him. 

Alucard's memory jumbled together as he tried to sort it out. His cloak was black and red, no, it was blue and white. He'd checked into an inn and fallen asleep in a bed, but wakened on the grass. Left Hand was a time-obsessed rabbit; Sword and Demon were circus-tent-clad twins; D and Ghost were roommates in a teapot; Bat was a magical unicorn; Fairy and Val were nobility and royalty respectively, but not-so-cordially hated each other's guts; his father was the monstrous lord of Castlevania, but he was also a sarcastic, smiling, vanishing cat... 

One thought floated helpfully to the surface, a distinct memory from the book itself. 

"Father, I had a most curious dream," Alucard stated, looking directly into Dracula's eyes. The statement, reminiscent of something Alice herself says in the Wonderland story, was a gauntlet of words he tossed down as a challenge to his father. 

Dracula smiled at him sweetly. Alucard could read in Dracula's eyes that he was relieved, and touched, and very pleased with him. Alucard wondered that the realization that his father was pleased with him made him happy, given their never-ending cycle of conflict with each other whenever Castlevania rose. 

Dracula's smile deepened, baring his fangs. 

"Really?" he asked, fading away like the Cheshire Cat. The eerie fangy smile of Dracula hung in the air for a moment before it disappeared. 

Stunned, Alucard turned toward D. 

"Did he...?! What...?!" Alucard looked around at everyone wildly. "Help?" 

"Father has a strange sense of humor," D noted. 

Alucard's mind and memory swirled together unhelpfully again and he staggered. D's arms closed around him sturdily, steadying him and offering support. 

"Father was rather put out that the eeD situation made it so you couldn't 'play' with him in Castlevania this time around," D began in a dry voice. 

"'Play'?!" Alucard latched onto the word as he straightened. Seeing that Alucard didn't need the support any longer, D stepped back. 

"That's what father said. And even though Death said that Dracula had recently had a chance to do something interesting with you..." D's voice trailed off, in case Alucard wanted to clarify. 

He was amused to see the slightest blush creep across his brother's face. 

"Uhm -- well, that is --" Alucard stammered. 

"Death made a mini dungeon where he killed me so Alucard had to rescue me," Bat supplied helpfully. "And after that, Alucard and I discovered something fun we could do when I'm in this form." 

"B-Bat!" Alucard protested. She grinned at him impishly and danced away to chat with Fairy again. 

D smiled. "I wondered how it is she has a dhampir nature now. It's a good thing I'm not one to get jealous of all the attention Father is paying to you lately, Alucard," he teased. 

"Oh, yes, such fun to have my head severed from my body!" Alucard retorted. 

"Death wasn't allowed to take you," D sobered. "While you were recovering, Father told me he thought that would be the most likely way this adventure would end, so Death was not permitted to actually kill you." 

"Could have fooled me," Alucard replied sourly. "How in the world did Father manage to set this up and get everyone's cooperation? Why on earth are you here doing this, D?" 

"Father can be most -- persuasive when he wants to be. He invited, guilted or browbeat all of us into participating. He said that he wanted some 'quality time' with you since you had to miss Castlevania this rising." 

Alucard stared at D while digesting that. He would never understand his father! Heck, he wondered if he'd ever understand D, and they shared the synergy. 

"So -- " Alucard began in a teasing voice, "a tea party? Whose idea was it to make you the 'Mad Hatter'?" Alucard reached out and flicked the wide brim of D's concealing hat. 

D looked him full in the face quite sourly for a very long minute before replying. 

"Bite me." He turned to walk away with outraged dignity, but Alucard spied the smile playing about his brother's lips. 

"Master Bat!" Alucard was glommed about his neck by his wife. "Oh, that was so much fun! Tell me, are there other children's stories we can use to play with your father? He's such an interesting person!" 

Alucard nearly choked, not from his wife's slightly tight and completely ardent hold, but from the implications of her question. No! He barely survived Wonderland! Given his father's tastes, he'd hate to see what Dracula's favorite children's stories were! 

"Dear heavens I hope not!" Fairy exclaimed as she flitted up. "Are you okay, Master Alucard?" 

"I'm fine, Fairy. Did you have fun?" 

"It was fun, guiding you to the Courtyard," Fairy admitted. 

"What's going on between you and Val, Fairy?" Alucard asked, sensing an opening. 

Fairy just looked at him. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Master Alucard. It won't hinder my performance as your familiar in the least," she promised. Alucard sensed that Fairy wanted the matter dropped. For the moment, he decided to comply. 

The rest of Alucard's familiars drifted over, to make certain he was okay and check to make sure he wasn't mad at them for their participation. He grinned as he reassured them on both counts. 

"Ghost! I'm not mad at you. Why are you being so loud all of a sudden?" Alucard demanded, as Ghost was clacking away at a furious rate. 

"Oh, I should have told you," D realized. He walked over to face Alucard again. 

"He's talking. I spent the time waiting for you to find the tea party teaching him Morse Code." 

Alucard blinked at D. "Morse Code?" 

D nodded. "An ancient form of non-verbal communication from my world. Each letter has a pattern of dashes and dots. Since Ghost can make two distinctive sounds, we designed a way for him to use Morse Code to 'speak'." 

"Ghost can...?" Alucard blinked at his familiar as if seeing him for the first time. "He's -- intelligent? Oh, and he's a 'he'? Are you sure? I have learned to ask, you know." He touched Bat's arm by way of explanation. 

D nodded again. "He's quite intelligent, and he's definitely male. His name, when he was alive, was Basil. Basil..." D paused. Alucard, if he didn't know his brother better, would have said it was a dramatic pause. "...Belmont." 

"_WHAT_?!" Alucard exclaimed. At that he did look at his familiar with wondering, confused eyes. "What?!" he repeated again, a bit more softly. "But, that means.... Tell me, D. Tell me what you know!" 

D laughed at him. "Not my story to tell. Allow me to teach you the patterns of letters for Morse Code and Ghost can tell you himself." 

Alucard nodded. "Thank you, D. If you hadn't done this, I never would have known..." Alucard blinked up at him again. D shifted uncomfortably. 

"Morse code has three states. A short sound, commonly called a dot, a longer sound, referred to as a dash, and no sound which is used between letters. 'A' is dot-dash, 'B' is dash-dot-dot-dot, 'C' is..." 

Alucard grinned, letting D use teaching him the patterns as a way for his brother to gloss over an uncomfortable moment. He could see that his familiars were paying close attention too, though he knew they had some way to talk with Ghost in the familiar's dimension. 

Ghost just floated there with his naturally impassive skull face and listened quietly. Alucard wondered what Ghost was thinking, and realized how grateful he was to his brother for discovering a way for him to talk to his familiar. The synergy had long since snapped into place between them, so he knew that he would remember the patterns, as D was not only saying them aloud, but also almost inputting them into his mind directly. He reached out and squeezed D's hand briefly, thanking him again for this gift. D smiled slightly, accepting the thanks this time, even as he went on to the next letter. 

Val started to approach tentatively after the lesson was finished. 

Bat jumped in her way, placed her arms on her hips and shouted at her. 

"NO! _You_ are not allowed near Master Alucard!" The rest of Alucard's familiars darted over to place themselves between Val and Alucard, unifying their intent with Bat's. 

A tear slid down Val's cheek. "I never intended... I never meant..." 

Alucard was in a very difficult spot. He knew that Val didn't mean him any harm, and that it was whatever feelings existed between her and Fairy that had created the frightening end to his Wonderland adventure. Yet, he couldn't dishonor his familiars, especially Fairy, to say so aloud. 

Knowing that his familiars were facing Val and not able to see him, he smiled deliberately at her. Knowing also that she had gifts for perceiving subtle things, he tried to let her see that he understood, and that he bore her no ill-will at all for what had happened. Indeed, he was wondering what he could do to make things better between Val and Fairy. 

Val's eyes still seemed a bit miserable to him, but he could see that she got his message. He nodded, and said aloud for the benefit of his familiars, "Perhaps it is time for us to go." 

With that he realized that D had no way of traveling dimensions, as he did, to return home. 

"How are you and Val going to get home?" 

"I'm certain Father has something dramatic in mind, once you've left," D noted wearily. 

Alucard nodded. 

"Well, then, I have to leave first, huh?" 

D nodded. 

"Farewell, D. Thank you for..." Alucard stopped. Quite honestly, though he hated to admit it, it had been fun. He was a bit distressed by the bad feelings between Fairy and Val, but otherwise -- seeing D eating sweets he admitted he didn't like, watching Bat play at being the Unicorn, seeing Left Hand and Ghost play "dress-up" with silly animal ears, watching his father tease Demon and Sword, even the strange visits from the "Cheshire Cat"... Most of it had been fun. And the odd feeling, almost a glow, still within him that his father was pleased with him. It was disconcerting, given that he knew he would have to fight his father, as the lord of Castlevania, again, but for now, it was a nice feeling. 

"It was weird and ended rather violently, but since my head is still attached and no one got hurt, the whole Wonderland event was -- fun. Father sure has one twisted way of showing affection, though." 

"Indeed," D agreed. 

"Farewell, D." 

"Farewell, Alucard." 

D watched as Alucard settled Bat in his arms and touched the amulet he used as a cloak pin to open the pathways between dimensions. Alucard faded in a way not entirely unlike how the "Cheshire Cat" faded. Once he'd faded completely away, Ghost, Demon, Sword and Fairy drifted upward, disappearing themselves, as they followed him. 

"Farewell, Master D!" Fairy called out just as she disappeared. 

D looked down from watching them leave to meet his father's eyes. 

"Are you quite finished abusing children's classics, Father?" 

Dracula waved a hand airily, almost arrogantly, whisking Val, D and Himself back to D's world. 

"What do you think, m'boy?" he asked before grinning, disappearing and leaving his fanged smile hanging in the air for a moment before it too faded away. 

"D," Left Hand shivered, "I'm frightened!" 

"You should be," D replied. "We all should be." 

- end - 

---------------------  
Author's Notes - 

I have to admit I'm worried. I hope I didn't upset anyone with the many liberties I took with the characters from VHD, Castlevania and the character of Dracula Himself, or the fact that I rammed such an unlikely group into Lewis Carroll's beloved masterpiece, Alice in Wonderland. 

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are always welcome! Please feel free to email me also if you see something awkward that needs to be clarified or fixed. I need all the help I can get! 

stargarde (at) stargarde (dot) com


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